he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
