You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Someone came in the potted fern
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
