Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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