after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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