eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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