lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
