Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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