Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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