i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
