that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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