woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Too much gin, very little bucket
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
