remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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