Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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