The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
