I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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