i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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