i dont even know how to be here
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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