Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I could make wine with my vomit
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize