marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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