Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
