I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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