mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize