my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
