it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
