Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
