so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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