I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
