I puked a lego.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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