Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
