in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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