omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
