I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
