Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
