YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
