they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
