If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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