White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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