Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
