my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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