we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I need to align my fucking chakras
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