Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
