yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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