Well apparently he's into motor boating.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
We smell like vodka and hangover
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