also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
