No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
