He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
