So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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