Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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