umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
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So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
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NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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