how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
