The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
