Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
