I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
