Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
