Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
