Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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