Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
