You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
