I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
