I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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