Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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