Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
