But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
this will be a night to untag.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
