When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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