I'm eating all of the evidence.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
