Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
