i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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