Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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