I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
