i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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