i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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