Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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