I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
