Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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