No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
