oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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