I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
