Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
