was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i've created a new STD.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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