and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
